Life's a journey...
It has been over a year since my last post and I have felt compelled to start posting some of my thoughts again. In some ways this is good therapy. This post is an attempt to catch up on my life's events over the past year and to try to assure myself that my decisions to take a path makes some since.
There is three large events that have influence, molded, and changed my life in the past year that stand out. The first and largest event is making the decision to help my daughter move to Florida and to find her way in life. April and her two daughters have lived with me for the biggest part of the past five years. Prior to my divorce she lived with Sharon (my now X wife) and me. At that time she just had Vanessa (who is now 10 years old). During the time April, Sharon, Vanessa, and myself was living under one roof it was turbulent times. Sharon and April never got along. There is a long history behind that but I will hold that story for another post. It was worse considering that my relationship with Sharon was falling apart and I could not figure out what to do about it. The shining spot throughout these troubled times was Vanessa. She was the glue that held us together and the only element that we all loved and had in common. After the divorce for a short time April had our own apartment but it was in the same complex as my apartment and within a few yards of walking distance. So Vanessa could come and visit her papaw any time she wanted. Soon we realized that having two apartments was just not financially reasonable so we combined into one single bedroom apartment. Though it was crowded we all got along. April and I have on a very rare occasion have our disagreements but I always know that Aprils heart is in the right place and she is a good person.
So I decided to build my dream home. There are previous post about that journey. After the house was partly finished we moved into the basement while I continued to work on the living area of the house. The basement living was not great but not all that bad. We had set up areas such as a kitchen area, two bedroom areas, and a living room. The walls between the area were made of boxes with our worldly goods stored in them. April was the first to move upstairs as her room was first to be completed. After Vanessa and I made the move upstairs April became pregnant again. Unfortunately it was with someone who would never make a life partner. This continues to confirm my feeling that it does not take a man to create a child, but it takes a man to raise one. Well, this changed the dynamics of the house. We turned the room that was to be Vanessa's room into a nursery. Vanessa continued to camp with me in the master bedroom. We just put her bed in one corner and my bed in another.
So now back to the past year. I knew that April has wanted to move to Florida for a very long time. She visited there about six years ago with a friend and when she returned she said that is where she wants to live. Since that time she meet a man locally that was from Florida. They started dating and there relationship continued to grow. In the past year he had returned to Orlando Florida which made Aprils wish to relocate there even stronger. I could tell day by day how unhappy she was living here in Huntington West Virginia. I also knew that there was little future for her here and she would continue to struggle to support herself and her kids. There seemed to be no escape from the reality that she would have to continue to live with her father and depend on him to help support her. So one day I was driving home and made the decision that I needed to help her make the transition to Florida. An opportunity that I never had. But that is what being a parent is all about. Sacrifice for your kids so that they will have a better life than you did. So I made the offer to April that I would pay for her move and help support her financially as well as take care of both kids her till she was able to take them on in Florida. At that point we would move the kids there and I would come to visit from time to time. Needless to say she jumped on the offer and my life as well as hers took a new path. That has been a couple of months ago and I have been acting as a single parent since that time.
I know that April is happy and though the kids miss her mom we have translated into daily routine. What I did not expect is how close I am becoming to the kids and how much I depend on them for the love that is missing in my life. I have been surprised at myself that I have not once been frustrated or irritated with them. We seem to have a great time and though I miss the time to myself is is pale in comparison to how much I love the kids and enjoy them around. So it is going to be a very tough transition when I end up taking them to Florida. It is also going to be a big transition for the kids and April. I know it is going to be hard to take that flight back to an empty house. I realize that Vanessa and Megan have lived with me there entire life. Vanessa and April lived alone for short periods of time but they were never far and Vanessa still spent most of her time with me. But my friends have promised me to keep my busy and to help with the transition. But I do not know how I am going to be able to go to sleep without listening for Megan on the baby monitor or without knowing that Vanessa is tucked in and sleeping soundly in her room. But life is full of changes and to quote Star Treck "I will adapt".
The second event over the past year is my new re-found love and passion for photography. mikesphotography.my-expressions.com It has led me to find new friends and to allow me to see the beauty in the world again. Many years ago I made my living with a camera but gave it up to work with computers. A choice I have never regretted except for the love of the craft. But now I enjoy photography for fun and not for profit. I have become very active in a local camera club. The Ohio Valley Camera Club. I have also meet a wonderful new friend Mark Hamilton and he continues to amaze me with his photography. His site is 4x6.my-expressions.com . I look forward to working with the club and taking photography outings with Mark in the future.
The third event over the past year has been the house. I can now say that I do not regret any part of the decision to build my dream home and have enjoyed all parts of the project. I went into the project knowing it was going to be expensive, hard work, and full of problems. When you approach a project knowing these things you handle the stress much better. Though the house is a project that is on going I now look forward to the time that I can spend working on it. I believe it will help during the transition when I move the kids to Florida. My evening will then be filled with house projects.
But as busy as I seem now I know that I need someone special in my life to share all this with. I miss being married and having that someone special to come home to. I miss the companionship and having someone to love and to care for. I have a lot of that now with the kids but I know we as humans were not met to go though life alone. But I leave that in Gods hands and continue to search to see what he brings me.
It has been over a year since my last post and I have felt compelled to start posting some of my thoughts again. In some ways this is good therapy. This post is an attempt to catch up on my life's events over the past year and to try to assure myself that my decisions to take a path makes some since.
There is three large events that have influence, molded, and changed my life in the past year that stand out. The first and largest event is making the decision to help my daughter move to Florida and to find her way in life. April and her two daughters have lived with me for the biggest part of the past five years. Prior to my divorce she lived with Sharon (my now X wife) and me. At that time she just had Vanessa (who is now 10 years old). During the time April, Sharon, Vanessa, and myself was living under one roof it was turbulent times. Sharon and April never got along. There is a long history behind that but I will hold that story for another post. It was worse considering that my relationship with Sharon was falling apart and I could not figure out what to do about it. The shining spot throughout these troubled times was Vanessa. She was the glue that held us together and the only element that we all loved and had in common. After the divorce for a short time April had our own apartment but it was in the same complex as my apartment and within a few yards of walking distance. So Vanessa could come and visit her papaw any time she wanted. Soon we realized that having two apartments was just not financially reasonable so we combined into one single bedroom apartment. Though it was crowded we all got along. April and I have on a very rare occasion have our disagreements but I always know that Aprils heart is in the right place and she is a good person.
So I decided to build my dream home. There are previous post about that journey. After the house was partly finished we moved into the basement while I continued to work on the living area of the house. The basement living was not great but not all that bad. We had set up areas such as a kitchen area, two bedroom areas, and a living room. The walls between the area were made of boxes with our worldly goods stored in them. April was the first to move upstairs as her room was first to be completed. After Vanessa and I made the move upstairs April became pregnant again. Unfortunately it was with someone who would never make a life partner. This continues to confirm my feeling that it does not take a man to create a child, but it takes a man to raise one. Well, this changed the dynamics of the house. We turned the room that was to be Vanessa's room into a nursery. Vanessa continued to camp with me in the master bedroom. We just put her bed in one corner and my bed in another.
So now back to the past year. I knew that April has wanted to move to Florida for a very long time. She visited there about six years ago with a friend and when she returned she said that is where she wants to live. Since that time she meet a man locally that was from Florida. They started dating and there relationship continued to grow. In the past year he had returned to Orlando Florida which made Aprils wish to relocate there even stronger. I could tell day by day how unhappy she was living here in Huntington West Virginia. I also knew that there was little future for her here and she would continue to struggle to support herself and her kids. There seemed to be no escape from the reality that she would have to continue to live with her father and depend on him to help support her. So one day I was driving home and made the decision that I needed to help her make the transition to Florida. An opportunity that I never had. But that is what being a parent is all about. Sacrifice for your kids so that they will have a better life than you did. So I made the offer to April that I would pay for her move and help support her financially as well as take care of both kids her till she was able to take them on in Florida. At that point we would move the kids there and I would come to visit from time to time. Needless to say she jumped on the offer and my life as well as hers took a new path. That has been a couple of months ago and I have been acting as a single parent since that time.
I know that April is happy and though the kids miss her mom we have translated into daily routine. What I did not expect is how close I am becoming to the kids and how much I depend on them for the love that is missing in my life. I have been surprised at myself that I have not once been frustrated or irritated with them. We seem to have a great time and though I miss the time to myself is is pale in comparison to how much I love the kids and enjoy them around. So it is going to be a very tough transition when I end up taking them to Florida. It is also going to be a big transition for the kids and April. I know it is going to be hard to take that flight back to an empty house. I realize that Vanessa and Megan have lived with me there entire life. Vanessa and April lived alone for short periods of time but they were never far and Vanessa still spent most of her time with me. But my friends have promised me to keep my busy and to help with the transition. But I do not know how I am going to be able to go to sleep without listening for Megan on the baby monitor or without knowing that Vanessa is tucked in and sleeping soundly in her room. But life is full of changes and to quote Star Treck "I will adapt".
The second event over the past year is my new re-found love and passion for photography. mikesphotography.my-expressions.com It has led me to find new friends and to allow me to see the beauty in the world again. Many years ago I made my living with a camera but gave it up to work with computers. A choice I have never regretted except for the love of the craft. But now I enjoy photography for fun and not for profit. I have become very active in a local camera club. The Ohio Valley Camera Club. I have also meet a wonderful new friend Mark Hamilton and he continues to amaze me with his photography. His site is 4x6.my-expressions.com . I look forward to working with the club and taking photography outings with Mark in the future.
The third event over the past year has been the house. I can now say that I do not regret any part of the decision to build my dream home and have enjoyed all parts of the project. I went into the project knowing it was going to be expensive, hard work, and full of problems. When you approach a project knowing these things you handle the stress much better. Though the house is a project that is on going I now look forward to the time that I can spend working on it. I believe it will help during the transition when I move the kids to Florida. My evening will then be filled with house projects.
But as busy as I seem now I know that I need someone special in my life to share all this with. I miss being married and having that someone special to come home to. I miss the companionship and having someone to love and to care for. I have a lot of that now with the kids but I know we as humans were not met to go though life alone. But I leave that in Gods hands and continue to search to see what he brings me.
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